We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
