I skipped work to stalk him.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
