Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
