my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Randomize
