one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
