i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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