On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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