I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
