I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
