At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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