I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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