i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
