I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize