and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
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You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
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You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize