Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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