the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
