What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
