my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
