her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
God, I missed his penis.
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