fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
