Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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