He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
