So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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