Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
