We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
