I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
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