It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
