We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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