So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
