We named our party play list daddy issues
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
