i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
being pregnant is like rehab
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
