I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
