I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
