There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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