Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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