did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
