Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
