There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
