"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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