Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
