Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
