i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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