Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
