i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
