Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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