the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize