I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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