dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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