Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
