first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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