I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
