Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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