Acid is not a monday night drug
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
