Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize