At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize