he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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