Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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