until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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