I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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