Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
