I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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